Keeping The Mystery And Passion Alive: Sustaining Great Feelings In Any Sort Of Dating Relationship
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Have you noticed how excitement and affection between two individuals can dwindle as time goes on? Whether it's a romance, friendship, or work relationship, from time to time the air goes right out of your sails, apparently for no reason.
In general, our society confuses compromise with love, teaching us the virtue of loving others more than ourselves. So we try to demonstrate or prove love with sacrifice, and we get upset or feel unloved if others won't sacrifice for us.
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Yet sacrifice is actually a wheel that crushes every person who gets on it. It goes like this:
1. Any time you sacrifice (do a thing you don't actually want to do for fear of what will happen if you don't) you have ...
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2. An unspoken expectation (example: they will sacrifice for you later or regard you in a specific way or love you more) that can cause hidden agendas, but, you get...
3. Disappointed mainly because they fail to fulfill their end of the deal (example: love you the way you want them to or do what you want them to) so, you grow to be...
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4. Resentful, perhaps angry ("After all I've done for you!"), which leads inevitably to...
5. Guilt (simply because resentment is an attack on the other person and attack always boomerangs at some level), so the very best way to atone for the guilt is to...
6. Sacrifice even more to prove what a great and loving person you really are. And 'round and 'round you go on the wheel of compromise.
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You might be wondering if we think it's ever okay to give. Obviously! Real service, or authentic giving, has absolutely no strings attached and expects nothing in return later.
The reward is within the experience of the giving itself. If you see you've been sacrificing, how do you leave this vicious circle? Three ways:
1. Use forgiveness to heal your guilty thoughts and feelings.
2. Stop sacrificing and develop a brand new understanding in your relationships that sacrifice is toxic.
Agree not to do it any longer or expect others to do it for you, which means you have the freedom to say no without losing love.
3. Make clear demands and express precise expectations.
Can you imagine what your relationships might be like if nobody sacrificed, but did only what they wanted to do? The folks you love and who love you would be in your life because they actually chose to be there, not because they felt it was expected or it was what they were "supposed" to do.
Follow the previously mentioned advice by david deangelo and discover success in love and life.
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Keeping The Mystery And Passion Alive: Sustaining Great Feelings In Any Sort Of Dating Relationship
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